Being Liked Or Being Me?

When I started to use the tools of Access Consciousness, my main issue was really how to be. And I mean with everything and everyone.

I was so darn accomplished and likable and good at everything. And yet, I was utterly confused about who I was.

When I was a kid, I was "different." I was told I was childish, a bit weird, and way too nice. And on top of that, I was annoyingly good in school. In fourth grade, I was bullied, and my parents moved to another part of town, and I got to start over at another school.

I made sure I would never be bullied again. I started to wear the in-clothes, said the 'right' things, and made friends with the most liked and coolest girls in the class. I discovered that I could be very good at that as well; at fitting in.

My strategy was quite basic: making sure people liked me (even though I was dead sure that if they saw who I truly was, they definitely would not). I became a star chameleon!

And life went on. I successfully used my chameleon talents everywhere I went -- at university, at work, living abroad, creating relationships. All of that.

I was exactly what was required and desired in every group plus a little more than that, to top it off. It worked well, according to this reality; I had a great life, a fantastic resume, a nice salary, a fitting relationship, and a sweet kid.

Until I just couldn't do it anymore. I was missing myself and living so much that absolutely nothing made sense anymore. Something had to change, or I would explode.

I became an avid seeker, and I tried everything under the sun to fill that empty space within, where the strange and wondrous once lived.

After a couple of years of different kinds of tantra, mantra, and meditations, I came into contact with Access Consciousness. (Thank you, Rosario!) And the one thing that stayed with me after the first round of classes was that maybe, just maybe, after all, I was not...wrong.

It was such a relief, such a freedom, joy, and liberator of my creative capacities. It was like coming out of a black and white world, into one full of colors.

Now, ten years in, exploring life with these tools, I am starting to discover what can open when I let go of the need to be ... right!

Yes, that is the other sneaky side of not being wrong. The need to be right. As limiting and as detrimental to the wondrous range of colors. Darn! :-)

Growing up in Sweden, that is a big leap to take. Striving to get things right, correct and perfect is The Path to Fitting in here. It infuses every part of society, from cradle to the daisies.

And yet, underneath all that, I think (even here) there is a longing and a call for coloring outside the lines, for us to show up with warts, glitter and all. Right and wrong, good and bad.

What if we were willing NOT to have all the answers? What if we choose to live as the question? And what if we actually know what is true for us, even if it goes against what was true yesterday or what is true for everyone around us?

What if, as kids, we were given these simple instructions?

Be you.
Explore you.
Create you.
Repeat.

What if the strange in us is exactly what this world requires? Not the right. Or the wrong. Or the perfect.

According to the dictionary, Strange refers to what is unfamiliar, unknown, or inexplicable.

Alas: a new possibility!

What if that is what we are, when we are willing to be us? Possibilities walking.